Some Girls Prefer Carnations: February 2020

Tuesday, February 11, 2020

Sadly...

I cannot write like Heather, and there is no way that my voice could ever do this chronicle justice. Heather is a true wordsmith and for the last 10 years has shared with us her gift of writing and the unique ability to make the science of her disease and treatments understandable; overshadowing the darkness and ultimate mortality of cancer.

Unfortunately Heather is unable to write any more blog posts. On December 23rd, we took the whole family to Iowa City for a regular appointment with the the radiologist and to meet a new oncologist to complete the UIHC team. Sadly, we learned that Heather's cancer had spread to her cerebral spinal fluid, manifesting now as leptomeningeal disease; a condition with a very grim prognosis.

We carried on to Amish country later that day to complete some Christmas shopping, have a family style meal at our favorite Amish restaurant, and bring home a rhubarb pie for our own Christmas.

Many amazing doctors have helped Heather to live the best life she could this past decade, giving us time to have amazing experiences and make memories as a family so the girls may be able to remember their mother. Amazingly, Heather has been able to create these memories with all of us for far longer than the statistics would have predicted.

Currently, she is at home under hospice care and surrounded by family. Headaches that have plagued her for years are now being managed by stronger medication. She is as comfortable as possible. Unfortunately short-term memory loss has been progressing quickly and Heather does not have a good ability to create new memories at this point. However, she still has her long-term memory and ability to reminisce, her quick wit, and sense of humor.

Heather does not have much longer to be here with us, but our family and friends are treasuring each and every moment we have left together. We couldn't possibly ask the powerful carnation nation for anything more, other than to keep our daughters, and Heather's loved ones in your thoughts.

At this time we are asking for any close friends that might want to visit to coordinate with me. However, cards and letters would be more appreciated and better remembered by Heather.

Thank you for everything you have done for Heather and our family.

Very Graciously,

Ian Allen

Books I've read recently

TRUTH AND BEAUTY by Ann Patchett "'Grief isn't something to "be gotten through." It has no life of its own like that, it's just plain and simply there.'" and "History is strangely incomprehensible when you're standing in the middle of it."
THE PATRON SAINT OF LIARS by Ann Patchett "I wanted to be able to stop hoping that she would turn into something else."
MY OWN COUNTRY by Abraham Verghese "I remember the acts of human kindness that illumine our world."
IN THE COMPANY OF CHEERFUL LADIES: No. 1 LADIES' DETECTIVE AGENCY NOVEL #6 by Alexander McCall Smith
CEREMONY by Leslie Marmon Silko
THE ELEGANCE OF THE HEDGEHOG by Muriel Barbery "There's so much humanity in a love of trees, so much nostalgia for our first sense of wonder, so much power in just feeling our own insignificance when we are surrounded by nature..."
A WALK IN THE WOODS by Bill Bryson
THE LACUNA by Barbara Kingsolver "'Soli, let me tell you. The most important thing about a person is always the thing you don't know.'"
AUTOBIOGRAPHY OF A FACE by Lucy Grealy "Sooner or later we all have to learn the words with which to name our own private losses..." and "Part of the job of being human is to consistently underestimate our effect on other people..." and "Sometimes the briefest moments capture us, force us to take them in, and demand that we live the rest of our lives in reference to them."
WATER FOR ELEPHANTS by Sarah Gruen "Age is a terrible thief. Just when you're getting the hang of life, it knocks your legs out from under you and stoops your back. It makes you ache and muddies your head and silently spreads cancer throughout your spouse."
THE HELP by Kathryn Stockett "'I have decided not to die.'" and "Oh, I just break down then. It's like two years a doing and trying and hoping all come out at once."
THE TENNIS PARTNER by Abraham Verghese "Would that I had the chance in my sons' lifetime and my own to one day explain to them all the forces that moved me."
THE BLUEST EYE by Toni Morrison "And then the tears rushed down his cheeks, to make a bouquet under his chin."
REMARKABLE CREATURES by Tracy Chevalier "My life led up to that moment, then led away again, like the tide making its highest mark on the beach and then retreating."
RAMONA QUIMBY, AGE 8 by Beverly Cleary "Mrs. Quimby smiled and said, 'I can tell you're beginning to get well when you act like a wounded tiger.'"
THE SUN ALSO RISES by Ernest Hemingway "You see, Mr. Barnes, it is because I have lived so very much that now I can enjoy everything so well."
THE FORGOTTEN GARDEN by Kate Morton "The happiest folk are those that are busy, for their minds are starved of time to seek out woe." And, speaking of hospitals: "An irony that a place relying so heavily on routine should operate so resolutely outside time's usual rhythms."
THE HUNGER GAMES by Suzanne Collins "Of course, the odds have not been very dependable of late."
THE IMMORTAL LIFE OF HENRIETTA LACKS by Rebecca Skloot "That cancer was a terrible thing."
THE THIEF OF ALWAYS by Clive Barker "Was there some way...to take back the stolen years, and live them here, with the people who loved him, and whom he loved dearly in return?"
CUTTING FOR STONE by Abraham Verghese "The world turns on our every action, and our every omission, whether we know it or not." Best book I've read in a year

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Tuesday, February 11, 2020

Sadly...

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