We've all been taught that it's not polite to stare at people. And then there's the golden rule, to treat others the way you want to be treated. These basic kindergarten rules then grow up to become a sense of political correctness when we're adults. My sense of political correctness, specifically the "do not stare at the minority person" rule, has been drilled so far into me that I'm pretty sure I fail to make equivalent eye contact with the disabled person in the room, for example, as I do with everyone else. Then I realize that I'm overcompensating for the risk of staring, so I look over and smile at them, but it's calculated, a bit belated, and therefore unequal. I think that this scenario demonstrates that at the core I am missing the mark on equality, although I like to think that at least the spirit of political correctness is captured in my over-thinking.
I've been thinking about these things this evening because today I was a victim of staring. Yep. A table full of 6-year-old girls, with heads tilted and jaws dropped, were blatantly staring at my bald head. I wasn't intentionally rocking the baldness; my scarf came off when I removed my winter hat. Their stares were instantly hilarious, so I gave them a huge grin before reapplying my scarf and returning to my girls and our party (happy birthday, Mazzy!). With my scarf in place, they lost interest in me, but their stares had made an impression.
I do not anticipate any self-esteem issues resulting from this encounter because I am emotionally comfortable with my baldness. Also, the perpetrators were six. Instead I have learned a valuable lesson: sometimes people don't behave in the most polite manner, but as long as the error is coming from a naive or good-intentioned place, perhaps it's okay. Perhaps it can even be funny to watch people fumble with their political correctness. This lesson is not to say that good manners are unnecessary; rather, I'm hoping that this experience will help me to stop over-thinking my interactions with the minority in the room and to simply treat people like people. I also hope that when I fail, I will more readily laugh at myself for how ridiculous I must have looked.
My favorite entry yet. Very well stated; however, no matter how awkward you may feel sometimes, you are nothing short of marvelous.
ReplyDeleteZach and I were both talking on our way home from the party about how beautiful you are without hair. Zach thought you may not believe it. But we know.
ReplyDeleteAlthough I have no idea personally what it is like to live with cancer, I can certainly relate to your issue of "over-compensating" your political correctness by not staring, and then trying to make up for it later (and yes, calculated and delayed). Of course now I am trying to figure out how to react to Sarah's questions when it deals with people with disabilities or other obvious "differences".
ReplyDeleteOn another note... looking forward to seeing you more at work! Too bad I can't apply for your tech position.
Ah, perhaps you should have looked at the naves and said"what u lookin' at, I am an alian ya' know!" That would have have sparked comment eve from 6 year olds! Ha! Then everyone could laugh.
ReplyDeleteah we all have obsessions and mine would be following your blog! Here I sit first day of classes. Hmmm I have read somewhat boring chapters and I obsess about you and what you may written about next. You are informative, inspiring,funny, uplifting and many things more that would cause this to become droll. WE are all so proud to know you and are pulling for you as grandma k in ABQ would say. Continue the dialogue when you can because you are an inspiration to folks that you will never know. Blessings my beautiful girl.
ReplyDeleteHeather, you'll hopefully stop noticing - when Patrick got his cochlear implants it seemed like everyone stared at him. I know they still do, but we don't notice. And even cooler is the opportunity to go up to those kids and tell them why Patrick looks like a freak and let them ask questions. This has even gotten to the point at times where Patrick will tell people, including TSA agents, why he has cochlear implants.
ReplyDeleteI always wondered why you were all staring at me every time I walked in the room :)
ReplyDeleteAgree with Hilary - well stated. Life's best lessons are learned when you experience both sides of the gazing ball.
ReplyDeleteYour baldness is beautiful & cute. Your striking features, radiant beauty & glowing personality - which of course you get from your father - is more evident than ever.
Can't say the same about rswebscan in above post. :)
Heather, your beauty radiates in so many ways. I know that the family you married into has put you in situations of being stared at, or at least the people you were with being stared at - remember a restaurant in Brainerd, MN on the way home from Unistar? If you'll recall, a bald head is worth plate after plate of dill pickles :-)
ReplyDeleteWe can identify with an abrupt lack of anonymity. Three babies have a tendency to draw attention in the form of stares, very personal questions, and bizarre comments/advice. It helps that it also comes with compliments, well wishes, and blessings as well. Its amazing how quickly we've gotten used to our new "celebrity". Hopefully some of the attention you elicit will be supportive in nature. Thinking of awesome comebacks can be entertaining and cathartic as well.
ReplyDeleteI hope your energy is returning and side-effects are waning. And if they aren't I hope you getting replenishing r&r. Miss You!
Love,
Martha
As you know Heather, I have been walking around with oxygen tubing hanging off my face for years. I too have experienced the stares of small children and even some adults. I usually return the adult's stare. Children don't bother me. They are just curious. If they are brave enough to ask questions, I respond truthfully and honestly. I try to put the information in a context they can understand. We are all learning every day. Some of the questions are very insightful. Some amusing. "Does that hurt?" "Can you hear the wind in your head?"
ReplyDeleteOn the other hand Kael, my wonderful grandson, thinks Grandma wears it as a chew toy for him. I am thinking he is planing on this being my leash as he learns to walk. I am looking forward to that!
Darling, hold your bald head high! You are beautiful!