The grand finale

In keeping with our system of giving Ian a break on the weekend before hard chemotherapy, I took the girls to my dad's homestead for the weekend.  It also was a break for me:  dad watched the girls while I went to the Drake v. Northern Iowa basketball game with my fabulous new stepmom.  And what a game it was!  We were cheering for Drake, and they won by only 3 points; I daresay I witnessed a "money shot" with only 3 seconds remaining.  After the win, the team raced over to the students' section to celebrate.  I found this to be rather adorable because it's backwards from how I've seen it occur at big ten universities (don't the fans usually race out on the the court to celebrate with the players?).  I do love a good basketball game.  The fun continued when we got back to the house, for we bundled up the girls and took them outside to play in the snow.  It was a mild February day, and perfect for the girls to explore the three acres of woods, plains, and driveways.  A good time was had by all.

And now I am mentally preparing for the last hard chemo on Wednesday.  We've got this thing down:  groceries, check; vacuuming, check; bills paid, check; laundry, check; and on my personal list, Ian's bday (Feb. 12, the big 3-0) presents, check.  We even planned our meals so that tomorrow's supper is super yummy:  homemade pizza!    

Despite our preparedness, I am not as excited about the last hard chemo as I thought I'd be, or as I ought to be.  I am attributing this lack of relief to a couple of factors, the primary one being uncertainty about the subsequent treatment steps and the secondary one being the hurdle of experiencing the last hard chemo itself.  I am now a professional chemotherapy patient, with excellent support and excellent knowledge of what to expect.  Knowing what to expect is a comfortable feeling, even if what to expect is discomfort.  After this hard one I re-enter the terrifying realm of the unknown, which includes scans of uncertain outcomes, surgery of ill-defined proportions, radiation for who knows how long, and possibly reconstruction but maybe I don't want it.  Such a mountain of crud, with hard decisions on that mountain.  Not to mention the fact that this chemo is going to be a beast.  I cringe just thinking about it.

So let's not think about it!  Let's go to basketball games and play in the snow and make pizza!  Let's go to work and wrap presents and type a blog post!  And if I do think about all of those things mentioned above, redirect myself to the fact that it's the LAST ONE!  And after this one, my hair will start to grow back!!!  Huzzah to me!