On being lop-sided

I am not (was not?) well-endowed in the breast department.  In fact, I used to refer to my bra size as lower-case A because I frequently did not fill out the size A bra cups.  But I liked being small:  not a lot of bouncing, not in the way, and always perky.

Thus far in the recovery process my history of smallness is working to my advantage when it comes to maintaining a positive self-image after a mastectomy.  Clearly there's no breast on the left, but to me it's just not that big of a difference from the breast on the right.  Neither physically nor visually.  I'm sure many folks will disagree, but I'm thinking it's not bad at all.  My thinness is an additional advantage because the left side is now the very definition of flat-chested.  This is in contrast to mastectomies on some heavier women that leave a crater-like geography.  For my self-image, I much prefer flat over crater.        

Now that I've recovered enough to wear tops that contain a shelf bra, I thought I'd try out some mock-breast bra-stuffers that I picked up from the cancer resource center.  The bra-stuffers of course come in sizes, and guess what size I am?  Double zero.  It looks surprisingly decent, and will probably look even better in a real bra.  I'm still too sore to wear it for any appreciable amount of time, but I'm feeling good about its prospects.

Reconstruction remains a possibility, but not for at least a year (according to Dr. Radiologist).  I am not enthusiastic about it at this juncture.  After what I've been through, why on earth would I volunteer for additional suffering?  For the purpose of replacing lower-case A breasts?  You might say that I could get larger ones, but why would I want larger ones, especially since they would require even more manipulation of my flat chest?  Do you know how much stretching will have to be accomplished to get any size of a breast in there?  My chest stretching over the measly little port hurt enough, thank you.  Hopefully I have many years ahead in which to make a reconstruction decision.    

In the near future I'll get fitted for a prosthetic breast, but I'm thinking that I can do better than that.  I know my breast size and shape better than anyone else, so I plan to knit and felt some breasts.  Won't that be better than a heavy prosthesis?  Maybe you'll say that the weight is necessary to weigh down the bra, and maybe I'll say what bra? and sew my knitted breasts into every garment in my wardrobe.  Or maybe I'll simply rock the lop-sidedness the same way I'm rocking the baldness.  I'm not terribly concerned.  At least I'm alive.