Some Girls Prefer Carnations: Heavy

Sunday, March 9, 2014

Heavy

Everything is heavy. My bones are heavy. My head is heavy. My guts are heavy. Even my eyelids are heavy. When they close my eyeballs typewrite messages to myself across them. "Don't forget to flush your PICC line." "Fill out your timesheet." "Drink more water to flush these steroids out of here so that you can get some sleep."

My brother is here. He was my "offensive coordinator" (OC) for most of my hard chemotherapy sessions the last time we went through this. I am so grateful that he returned to do it again. He is currently working his tail off, trying to get my ladies in bed despite the time change. Gotta love the OC.

He took me on a walk today. I made it all the way around one block. I was proud. I couldn't believe how much snow had melted since yesterday.

I had to ask Ian and the OC how long I will be this way. I just don't remember the details from last time. They think that I'll hit the low point on Tuesday, then start turning back around. Wow. I'm halfway to the low point. Okay. We've got this. Five more times.

Time to turn in again. Not that I ever really got up. What day is it again?

6 comments:

GinnyMarch 10, 2014 at 9:35 AM
You are so right, you have got this. You know how in Yoga how we grow our energy and send it out to those around us. I will forever more send it directly to you. If you ever feel like going to Yoga I can be your wheels. Even if it's come late, leave early I will be there for you. For now you rest, grow energy. Take care - Ginny
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BeckyMarch 10, 2014 at 10:33 AM
Never underestimate the power of a good OC, or so says my OC husband.

Here's to celebrating the little things: trips around the block and spring is coming. Soon, you'll be walking around in the sunshine and that makes everything better.

Love you.
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UnknownMarch 10, 2014 at 1:09 PM
Love you Beak. Kisses and Hugs from Ankeny to Ames
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DadMarch 10, 2014 at 10:47 PM
You are doing awesome HK. Glad your OC is here for you and God Bless anyone capable of explaining daylight savings time to a 4 and a 6 year old. xoxoxo
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URODMarch 11, 2014 at 11:28 AM
Chuck Norris, in an extended celebration of his birthday yesterday, is coming to kick cancer out of your a$$. Chuck Norris doesn't play "hide-and-seek." He plays "hide-and-pray-I-don't-find-you." Chuck Norris is the reason Waldo is hiding. You get the idea....
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AmiMarch 11, 2014 at 4:59 PM
One down. Way to go.
Think the kids can handle a sleepover? My girls want play dates!!!
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Books I've read recently

TRUTH AND BEAUTY by Ann Patchett "'Grief isn't something to "be gotten through." It has no life of its own like that, it's just plain and simply there.'" and "History is strangely incomprehensible when you're standing in the middle of it."
THE PATRON SAINT OF LIARS by Ann Patchett "I wanted to be able to stop hoping that she would turn into something else."
MY OWN COUNTRY by Abraham Verghese "I remember the acts of human kindness that illumine our world."
IN THE COMPANY OF CHEERFUL LADIES: No. 1 LADIES' DETECTIVE AGENCY NOVEL #6 by Alexander McCall Smith
CEREMONY by Leslie Marmon Silko
THE ELEGANCE OF THE HEDGEHOG by Muriel Barbery "There's so much humanity in a love of trees, so much nostalgia for our first sense of wonder, so much power in just feeling our own insignificance when we are surrounded by nature..."
A WALK IN THE WOODS by Bill Bryson
THE LACUNA by Barbara Kingsolver "'Soli, let me tell you. The most important thing about a person is always the thing you don't know.'"
AUTOBIOGRAPHY OF A FACE by Lucy Grealy "Sooner or later we all have to learn the words with which to name our own private losses..." and "Part of the job of being human is to consistently underestimate our effect on other people..." and "Sometimes the briefest moments capture us, force us to take them in, and demand that we live the rest of our lives in reference to them."
WATER FOR ELEPHANTS by Sarah Gruen "Age is a terrible thief. Just when you're getting the hang of life, it knocks your legs out from under you and stoops your back. It makes you ache and muddies your head and silently spreads cancer throughout your spouse."
THE HELP by Kathryn Stockett "'I have decided not to die.'" and "Oh, I just break down then. It's like two years a doing and trying and hoping all come out at once."
THE TENNIS PARTNER by Abraham Verghese "Would that I had the chance in my sons' lifetime and my own to one day explain to them all the forces that moved me."
THE BLUEST EYE by Toni Morrison "And then the tears rushed down his cheeks, to make a bouquet under his chin."
REMARKABLE CREATURES by Tracy Chevalier "My life led up to that moment, then led away again, like the tide making its highest mark on the beach and then retreating."
RAMONA QUIMBY, AGE 8 by Beverly Cleary "Mrs. Quimby smiled and said, 'I can tell you're beginning to get well when you act like a wounded tiger.'"
THE SUN ALSO RISES by Ernest Hemingway "You see, Mr. Barnes, it is because I have lived so very much that now I can enjoy everything so well."
THE FORGOTTEN GARDEN by Kate Morton "The happiest folk are those that are busy, for their minds are starved of time to seek out woe." And, speaking of hospitals: "An irony that a place relying so heavily on routine should operate so resolutely outside time's usual rhythms."
THE HUNGER GAMES by Suzanne Collins "Of course, the odds have not been very dependable of late."
THE IMMORTAL LIFE OF HENRIETTA LACKS by Rebecca Skloot "That cancer was a terrible thing."
THE THIEF OF ALWAYS by Clive Barker "Was there some way...to take back the stolen years, and live them here, with the people who loved him, and whom he loved dearly in return?"
CUTTING FOR STONE by Abraham Verghese "The world turns on our every action, and our every omission, whether we know it or not." Best book I've read in a year

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Sunday, March 9, 2014

Heavy

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