Tuesday, November 1, 2011


This is it.  I finally made it to the eve of the end of my cancer treatments.  Tomorrow is my last herceptin therapy.  I will get my energy back, I will get my third Wednesdays back, I will get my freedom back.  Despite the momentousness of the occasion, I am entirely underwhelmed by Tomorrow.  This surprises me because I thought I would be unable to contain my excitement.  On the contrary, my excitement is entirely contained.  Per usual, I think this deserves an analysis.

I have read that cancer patients sometimes have a hard time ceasing therapy because they have grown attached to their caregivers.  Also, patients wonder how they can possibly return to life without cancer.  These feelings can sometimes turn into depression.  I think it remains to be determined if I will be susceptible to this, but I don't expect depression to be a big factor.  I will still see Dr. Oncologist every three months for PET scans.  I will still see my favorite nurse around town with her son.  And I can't WAIT to return to life without cancer.  Cancer made me needy, and I don't like being needy.  Sign me up for self-sufficiency, please!  

Right now my lack of enthusiasm for tomorrow seems to be related to something I've posted about before, which is accomplishing a goal that I never should have had.  Also, I'm feeling a strong urge to get cancer treatment out of the way so that I can get back to Living.  I acknowledge that getting to this point was no small feat, it's just hard to embrace a celebratory mentality given the subject matter.  I guess I would say that I successfully toughed it out.  Yay?

But there is something that I was inspired to celebrate tomorrow:  my oncologist.  She is brilliant and caring and attentive and thoughtful.  Any guesses what I did to show her my appreciation?  That's right.  I made her a blanket.

It's my 12-hour afghan pattern and it makes the coziest blanket in the universe.  For Dr. O I chose three oceanic shades of blue because I envisioned the blanket providing a wave of calm and warmth after a long day of helping sick people.  THIS is where my excitement lies:  in giving her this blanket.

In related news, during the making of this blanket I acquired a protege.  It was only a matter of time, really.

Go, Azalea, go!

I'll end this post with a premature poke tally.  It includes both tomorrow's and the previous herceptin poke, plus the PET scan poke.  I suppose that this is where the poke tally ends?  I must say, I am grateful for that port, otherwise the poke tally would be much, much higher.  Possibly even doubled.  Port, I'm not going to make you a blanket, but I appreciate you.    

port  40
right arm 13
tummy  6
left arm  6
right breast 2++
left breast  1+
superior vena cava 1
T9 vertebral body  1


  1. Nice post. Dr O is awesome & will love the B.
    Your protege is nothing to sneeze at either. :)

    Have a great Wednesday - I'll be thinking of you.

  2. I think I'm a big fan of Dr. O. I'll celebrate with you today.

    Such a big step in a good, new direction.

    xo - Bec

  3. i love dr. o and i have no idea who she is. i'm relatively sure i'll never meet her, but still... i love her. tears of joy for you today heather. i cannot say it enough times>>> thank you for including all of us on this intimate, scary, informative and brave journey. i look forward to the LIFE WITHOUT CANCER posts. <3

  4. you could reserve every third wednesday from now on for something fun or relaxing :) Coffee, Massage, Bike riding. Let us know how Dr. O likes her blanket!

    Oh and Azalea crocheting is awesome. Is she taking orders? Cause I could use a pot holder ;)


  5. Your great grandmother is smiling right now. A master knitter, she was. If I look long enough, I'm sure I still have a pair of her knitted slippers.

    I don't know if thanks is the right word or not, but.....thanks....for your love and craft of writing, and for sharing this amazing journey with all of us. I blog (poorly), but it's aimless blogging. There's no true focus to it, and that's why I flounder. And, it's pretty infrequent blogging, lately. But SGPC is more than a blog. It needs physical pages and a bound cover, in my humble opinion.

    All the best---


  6. Thanks everyone, especially Dixon. I'm a big fan of your blog as well.

    I'm considering some ways of turning SGPC into a book. Maybe some day...