Saturday, March 26, 2011

On being lop-sided

I am not (was not?) well-endowed in the breast department.  In fact, I used to refer to my bra size as lower-case A because I frequently did not fill out the size A bra cups.  But I liked being small:  not a lot of bouncing, not in the way, and always perky.

Thus far in the recovery process my history of smallness is working to my advantage when it comes to maintaining a positive self-image after a mastectomy.  Clearly there's no breast on the left, but to me it's just not that big of a difference from the breast on the right.  Neither physically nor visually.  I'm sure many folks will disagree, but I'm thinking it's not bad at all.  My thinness is an additional advantage because the left side is now the very definition of flat-chested.  This is in contrast to mastectomies on some heavier women that leave a crater-like geography.  For my self-image, I much prefer flat over crater.        

Now that I've recovered enough to wear tops that contain a shelf bra, I thought I'd try out some mock-breast bra-stuffers that I picked up from the cancer resource center.  The bra-stuffers of course come in sizes, and guess what size I am?  Double zero.  It looks surprisingly decent, and will probably look even better in a real bra.  I'm still too sore to wear it for any appreciable amount of time, but I'm feeling good about its prospects.

Reconstruction remains a possibility, but not for at least a year (according to Dr. Radiologist).  I am not enthusiastic about it at this juncture.  After what I've been through, why on earth would I volunteer for additional suffering?  For the purpose of replacing lower-case A breasts?  You might say that I could get larger ones, but why would I want larger ones, especially since they would require even more manipulation of my flat chest?  Do you know how much stretching will have to be accomplished to get any size of a breast in there?  My chest stretching over the measly little port hurt enough, thank you.  Hopefully I have many years ahead in which to make a reconstruction decision.    

In the near future I'll get fitted for a prosthetic breast, but I'm thinking that I can do better than that.  I know my breast size and shape better than anyone else, so I plan to knit and felt some breasts.  Won't that be better than a heavy prosthesis?  Maybe you'll say that the weight is necessary to weigh down the bra, and maybe I'll say what bra? and sew my knitted breasts into every garment in my wardrobe.  Or maybe I'll simply rock the lop-sidedness the same way I'm rocking the baldness.  I'm not terribly concerned.  At least I'm alive.


  1. Wait - you're going to make your own breasts, from scratch? You have truly out-Laura Ingalls Wilder'ed yourself.

    Also, everyone was commenting on how amazing you looked last night. Any lopsided-ness either wasn't noticeable or didn't matter. Boob or no boob, your smile was great as ever.

  2. Aunt Jacque's house is waaaaaaay too quiet this weekend and I don't like it one bit!!!! xo

  3. Okay, let me just say that if you knitted some tits, you would be even more of my hero than you currently are.

  4. I can't wait to see what you come up with!

  5. Obviously you will come up with something super creative and could probably patent. I like your idea of the knitted-knockers :)
    Great idea and, yes, much more comfortable. You could use different light-weight fabric too for summer. To quote the Cable Guy: "There's no end to the possibilities!"

  6. I can't wait to see the knitted-knockers! they will be amazing. It sounds a lot more comfortable than the weighted ones. It could move with your body and be made of yarn that wicks moisture away from your body. Knit on baby!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

  7. Love it! Still such an inspiration!