Monday, April 30, 2012

Defining beauty

My friend S. is always sending me the most interesting material to think about.  Most recently she sent me an article about a mother who shaved her head to prove to her daughter that she didn't need her hair to be beautiful.  Her daughter is 4ish and into princesses like most other preschoolers, and seemed to hold the mother's hair in high esteem.  So the mother let the daughter cut it off, and then she shaved the hair down to the scalp.

A noble undertaking indeed!  What bravery and self-confidence did that mother require to execute such a daring sacrifice?

The event seemed to have the desired outcome, with the daughter proclaiming her love and admiration for the mother and the mother accepting her new bald beauty.  Her point was that it's what's on the inside that counts.

When I finished reading, I couldn't help but think what would have happened if the mother's noteworthy feature were her eyes rather than her hair?  Certainly she wouldn't have gouged them.  This train of thought vaguely reminded me of something religious...perhaps summed up as Catholic guilt and visualized with someone punishing themselves for being too virtuous?  These thoughts returned simply to, "What's wrong with having beautiful hair?"

Everyone has something beautiful about themselves.  Rather than reducing a feature that might be coveted, isn't it equally important to teach our children how to accept compliments with grace?  How to harbor our own personal strength and beauty with a bit of humility?  


S. and I have been talking a lot about beauty lately--how it is defined, what it means, and to whom.  She brought up a good point in that the mother who shaved her head is classically beautiful:  trim figure, symmetric face, pretty smile.  S. wonders if this woman would she have felt as comfortable going bald if she were overweight, had stickey-outey ears, or otherwise wasn't as outwardly beautiful.  


This in turn made me think of myself and my unibreast.  Would I be as comfortable walking around lopsided (as I do) if I weighed 50 more pounds, had a limp, or were 4'11"?  Is my perception of my level of beauty in line with that of society's, or are people that I meet thinking to themselves, "someone get that poor girl a boob"?  And when it comes to my daughters, do I do a good enough job acting beautiful despite my single breastedness so that they understand that it's what's on the inside that counts?  Or better still, are they learning that I am actually beautiful despite my external deformity?     


I believe that self-confidence goes a long way toward the beauty that one projects.  Beauty begins with the self, whether you're bald or otherwise.  Props to the mother who was brave enough to shave her head and more clearly reveal her inner beauty.  But it's okay to be outwardly beautiful, too, in your own unique way.        



11 comments:

  1. Hmmm . . . . I'm thinking moderation here. There are many ways to share/show that beauty is defined in diversity of all sorts - princesses and non-princesses with or without hair included. Kids are hard-wired to find meaning and purpose in their lives and the fantasy of play helps them discover possibilities for meaning. I like the idea that children have many metaphors for learning about their inner and outer selves, and that parents have the ability to intervene when appropriate. Bippity, boppity, boo - the real magic is that we control the messages and meanings children receive by our responses and reactions to everything that comes our way. Poof! I'm turning into a crumudgeon. . .

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  2. When we are little don't we always think our mom is beautiful? She is the woman most precious to us. We associate her with good feelings. Her characteristics become our expectation of beauty.

    Maybe A and E will think its weird that other women have 2 breasts?

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    1. Now that's an interesting thought, Marth. They ask me about my missing nipple, my lack of a breast, my sick breast, etc., at least once a week. We'll see how much longer that lasts, and how it affects them as they get older.

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  3. "Someone get that poor girl a boob" - hahaha, probably my favorite quote in a while. Lovely post, Heather, as always. I really enjoy these conversations with you and am always challenged to think through things more deeply after we discuss these topics.

    S.

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  4. You are and always have been the most beautiful woman to me, inside and out. Love you so much. I really enjoyed this post. :) Holly

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  5. Thought provoking as always, dear.

    And can we just all agree that you ROCKED the baldness?

    xo Bec

    PS - Did you see what Vogue is up to lately? Promising not to give model jobs to women with eating disorders? Because, what, in a room full of size 00 models, one can easily pick out the eating disorder? Just sayin - sometimes our society is a little f'd up. :)

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  6. Here's a theory from the College of Booneville: Physicallness and Love run parellel and don't intersect.

    You could have a large body, small head, one boob, one missing thumb, unmatching ear lobes, a lazy eye, six toes on your left foot, above average upper lip hair & your kids would love you the same. You are mom. It's how you treat them (& everyone else for that matter) that creates love. Also agree with above comments...good post...but now I have to google "crumudgeon".

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    1. Good thing one of my degrees is from that college, but I think it used to be called Earlham or Asman or something like that.

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  7. 4' 11"?? NOOOOO THE HORROR!!!

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  8. By which I mean, you're assuming that people who are heavier, have a limp, or are short worry about, are self-conscious because of, or otherwise dislike their bodies. Flip it around: you're almost six feet tall. Would you shave your head voluntarily, or would you think to yourself, "I couldn't possibly do that - I'm already uncommonly tall for a woman!"?

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    1. You are absolutely right, and that is exactly what I would have thought if I had had an option. Maybe I got it backwards in my post and it's actually easier for someone who is a physical outlier to cope with a physical oddity. There's no way to know any other way of being, which is why I framed the 4'11" thing as a question. Hopefully neither one of us will ever know the answer to that question.

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