Wednesday, April 16, 2014


When you only have 10 good days before 10 more crummy days, it becomes challenging to decide how to spend the good days.  I haven't posted in awhile because I haven't felt like spending my free time on screen time.  Instead I've attended soccer games, sorted my kids' too-small clothes from the just-right clothes, baked and decorated Easter cookies with the girls, and spent time with friends.  Add rest time and work time on top of that, and that doesn't leave much other time.

This brings us to the issue of balance.  I'll put it out there, rather immodestly, that in normal times I am a rockstar of balance.  I have this rule about not taking work home, and rarely do I break the rule.  I keep the work at work so that I can be more fun and attentive at home.  It's not all that hard to do once you get the hang of it.  What is hard is to keep it that way; it only takes one night of working at home to start to slip back into the mode of, "oh, it's okay if I don't get this done today, because I can finish it tonight after the kids go to bed.  I did it last night and it wasn't so bad."  This might be true, but I find that in the long run it yields unpleasantness.

Instead I take the time that I could be working at home and use it for personal gains.  Usually I visit with the spouse and get caught up on important issues like who is going to do the Easter Bunny shopping.  We often watch a bit of a movie while I knit or crochet something.  Sometimes I exercise, either by myself or by going on a walk with neighborhood friends.  Still other times I get caught up on correspondences (I'm forever behind on correspondences).  And I always aim to have the house more picked up than it is.  If I worked at home, when would I have time to do these other important things?

Cancer treatment always threatens to tip me off-balance.  This is because of the long stretches in which I can't do anything, so when I emerge from the chemo fog I feel behind on life.  How is a girl to prioritize her laundry pile vs. manuscript revisions vs. the grocery store vs. a walk vs. friend time vs. time to just be?  Particularly in a background of scheduling and managing oncology appointments?  It's madness, I tell you.  Sheer madness.

And yet, it's fulfilling madness.  Take today, for example.  I gave a lecture at the University, stopped at the clinic for an appointment on my way back to my office, checked out some new data, wrote some official letters, then took the kids to an Easter egg hunt.  It was an excellent day in which I achieved diverse tasks.  I hope that I can make tomorrow every bit as excellent before I get knocked down on Friday.

I have a secret that adds to the fulfilling madness.  In two weeks we are going on a trip (!), so I have spent several evenings planning the trip.  Three generous and loving folks (who wish to remain anonymous) are sending my family SOMEWHERE, to give us a mid-chemo break from the madness.  The reason I can't tell you where is because we're not yet telling my kids, and it just seems unfair to tell you before we tell the kids.  We're going to tell them the weekend before our departure, so you only have to wait 10 days to find out.  It's somewhere I've never been.  Oh my goodness, I'm terribly excited!!!!!      

Speaking of having something to look forward to, SAVE THE DATE!  My childhood other-mother, dad, stepmom, and aunt are throwing us a huge party!!  It'll be in our town on June 14, 2014, from 4-10pm.  They are planning a benefit dinner, DJ & dancing, raffles, kids' carnival games, silent auction, and 50/50 raffle (I don't even know what that is!).  I'm not going to put the location on this public blog, but you can email me at 30carnations(at)gmail(dot)com (or my personal email if you know that) and I can give you the final details.  It's going to be an absolute blast!

I also added a few more recipes to the Recipe page.  I know some incredible cooks, apparently!  The food that people have been bringing is incredible.  If you've brought food and have the time to send me the recipe, I'd love to post it on this page.  Everything is delicious.

Time to step away from the computer.  Time to cultivate some balance.  Time to just be.  


  1. This is a nice post. Your feel good time between chemo rounds is like cramming for a college exam...over & over & over. I'm glad you have things to look forward to. You deserve it!

    1. It is! Except that in college I set the curve, and here I never quite achieve everything I want. Oh well. I'll just have to set the curve on the final exam (post cancer treatment) and then I'll have my whole life ahead of me.