Thursday, April 17, 2014

Chemo eve, round 3

What does one do on the eve of one's third round of chemotherapy?  When one knows precisely how crappy one is going to feel and for how long?  When you still have more rounds of chemotherapy ahead of you than behind you?

One eats.  And eats and eats and eats.  Thus far tonight I have had three falafels, some hummus, and cucumber slices while I cooked dinner.  For dinner I had bulgogi (seasoned chickpeas), roasted cauliflower, half of a grilled cheese sandwich, wilted kale, garlic bread, and strawberries.  Plus, I've eaten two homemade sugar cookies that my daughters decorated for Easter.  I've got my eye on some chocolate milk for a snack later.  

Hopefully these delights will carry me through my nauseous BRATY week.

I also have a long walk ahead of me.  I'm headed out in a few minutes to get some exercise while I can.  Hopefully it's not too windy out there.

In all seriousness, I'm actually a bit pensive about tomorrow.  Today a poem came to mind in thinking about chemotherapy round three tomorrow.  I hope you like it.

INTO MY OWN by Robert Frost

One of my wishes is that those dark trees,
So old and firm they scarely show the breeze,
Were no, as 'twere, the merest mask of gloom,
But stretched away unto the edge of doom.

I should not be withheld but that some day
Into their vastness I should steal away,
Fearless of ever finding open land,
Or highway where the slow wheel pours the sand.

I do not see why I should e'er turn back,
Or those should not set forth upon my track
To overtake me, who should miss me here
And long to know if still I held them dear.

They would not find me changed from him they knew -
Only more sure of all I thought was true.  


  1. All good things you are doing my dear to be ready as one can be... for chemo. I'm glad you have had a good week & got to enjoy Easter cookies by the little darlings. The poem is a good one & I see you why it spoke to you. Almost halfway kid - BIG hugs!

  2. Thank you for sharing your Chemo Eve Feast with me. I love that poem. Know that I am always following you on your trek, always right here to do what I can, to witness and affirm your navigation through those dark trees. I know that we each have to walk our own path, but damn, it's good to have people there beside us. I hope tomorrow goes smoothly and that all this good food build up sustains you through the hard days. If it helps, tomorrow you can imagine me and all your family and friends surrounding you with love filled energy that is more effective in destroying the cancer cells than the toxic drugs. Love medicine . . . there in unlimited doses to be taken as needed. <3

    1. The people make it possible! After my restorative energy session with Ruthann, her eyes welled up as she told me that the room was full, literally packed, with all of the people supporting me. She said she'd never seen anything like it. <3

  3. I was actually wanting to suggest a walk last night but I ended up having to do some work that was due today after the kids were in bed. As soon as you recover from this round of chemo and want a walking buddy, sign me up. I'd love a late evening walk through our neighborhood while the days are getting longer and it's getting warmer out. Hope you make it through today in good spirits! xo

    1. Sounds great, Sandra! I'm so glad you're in my neighborhood!!!!!!!

  4. I'm sure that gloomy forest beckons sometimes, but you always have that family of sunshine and laughter to turn to...which makes all this shit you are going through worth it...XXOO