Sunday, June 29, 2014

Welcome!

Dear Red Blood Cells From Another Human,

Welcome to Heather's body!  We are delighted that you have made the long journey from Another Human to join us in our fight to make Heather healthy.  We are at our lowest capacity ever and desperately need a hand.  In the interest of time, we are distributing this letter in lieu of our handbook so that you can learn the ropes as quickly as possible and get to work right away.  Below is a summary of our essential regulations:

1)  We are an O-positive environment.  Negativity is not allowed.

2)  Pausing or stopping in vessels is strictly prohibited.  You must proceed with the flow of traffic at all times.

3)  Do not exit restricted borders, such as the kidneys, bowels, or sinuses.  This is particularly important because Heather is in the hospital right now and will not be released until her blood cell forces improve.  AWOL Red Blood Cells will directly inhibit this goal.  If you get lost, ask a native Red Blood Cell for directions.    

4)  Do not antagonize the White Blood Cells.  They are feeling persecuted lately and are quick to incite a riot.  It is best to flow right on past them, avoiding eye contact.      

5)  No horsing around.  She doesn't have any fevers or infections, so everything is really straightforward right now.  Go to the lungs, pick up your oxygen, and deliver it to the tissues.  It's a simple job, but we take great pride in it and would appreciate it if you would, too.  FYI gut tissue and bone marrow are high priority locations right now.    

6)  Have fun!  Heather is really great.  She has taken up meditation, which has really improved the Lung atmosphere and our oxygenation experience.  She has promised us all a feast of green vegetables as soon as she gets well.  Let's work together to achieve this goal!

Again, we are humbled by your presence and grateful for your assistance.  Let us know if you have any questions!

Cheers,

Heather's Red Blood Cells

8 comments:

  1. You are hilarious and I like you a lot :)

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  2. Wow and I was wondering how it was going but I see in Asman fashion the orders and instructions are clear get ER done! Rock on and help with o2 distribution. "Just go with the flow" LOL thanks to all the blood donors out there. Anyone else that hasn't thought about donation, well it's easy and you help someone in need.

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  3. I love this! I LOL'ed in my office. You rock!

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  4. RBCs... Not only is Heather's lung atmosphere great... But she also listens to great music, has daughters who tell great stories, and a hubby that writes almost as well as her. Enjoy your new home, but pay attention to the rules.

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  5. Thanks other human! reminds me to set up my next donation time!

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  6. I'm glad that many of you found this as funny as I did. I was cracking myself up as I wrote this, but I wondered if at last I had gone too goofy. ;)

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  7. too funny! You have so many career choices, now we can add stand-up comic!

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  8. Nice post,, i'm very enjoyed to visit this site :D

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