I think I just finished putting together my presentation for tomorrow. I have to give a 50-minute powerpoint presentation tomorrow as part of my job interview. I've done this sort of thing before, so it's not as bad as it sounds, but it's a lot of work to put together this sort of presentation, no matter how practiced you are. I thought I had it done hours ago, but tonight when I sat down to practice (not until 8:45, mind you), I found enough errors and incompletions to keep me busy until now, and it's after 10. Some of you are thinking, "no problem, the night is still young." Not me. I've never been one to study or work late, and lingering chemo fatigue makes this impossible even if I wanted to. But I'll force myself to click through it one more time and think through my transitions (always my weakness and I don't want any surprises tomorrow). It's a real bummer that it's so late because I had something else for work that I needed to finish tonight, in addition to a desire to call my friend Martha (hi, Martha! How are you? I'll call on Tuesday night!). At least I got the laundry folded and the blog updated, and there's always time for flossing!
Even stronger than my nervousness about the interview is my fear of Wednesday's chemotherapy. Nope, I'm still not used to it. I feel like a child (specifically, a red-haired three-year-old child) because my feeling is so basically and powerfully "I don't want to" regardless of the logic I throw at it. I know that it might be saving my life, yada yada yada. I still don't want to do it. I hate the sickness, but mostly I hate the stress that it has brought to me and my family. I hate my "must complete before Wednesday" to-do lists. I've gotta stop making those.
Here's what I LOVE: all of the people who have called or emailed their support for me tomorrow! And those of you who haven't, I love you, too. I'm going to do the best I can on the best possible day that I could have! I just might have to caffeinate to get those brain cells to fire a bit faster.