left arm 5
right arm 6
left breast 1
superior vena cava 1
I am slowly climbing out of the chemo fog. The crumminess lurks, but I can participate in family life in moderation. I unloaded the dishwasher this morning, and now I am recovering from that exertion. After a grand sit I will start making lunch, followed by another grand sit. I need to conserve some energy for my scans this afternoon.
"Scans" is plural because what was supposed to be just a breast MRI scan is now also a chest scan. This is because the PET scan did not sufficiently visualize my thoracic spine (fancy words for my back, I think) and so Dr. Oncologist wants more pictures. I've been told there's nothing to worry about, she just wants a better view. She is a thorough oncologist, and for that we are grateful. So let's not worry.
Instead let's ruminate on the fact that today is approximately my 60th day of being sick <insert imaginary balloons and confetti here>. This is worth celebrating because it means that the worst of the chemotherapy is behind me. For the record, I can't believe that I have spent 60 days being sick. It was fast, and also slow. It was extremely hard, and also painfully simple. It was a heck of a way to more or less skip winter.
You KNOW I have songs to express my feelings. There are two. Click here for the first song, by Norah Jones. This is the song for the weary yet peaceful me, sitting in a deck chair on a Caribbean beach at dusk. I close my eyes and breath deeply of the warm salty air. I feel my children sleeping in a house behind me. I feel the earth turning beneath me. I am enveloped in this peace.
Good try, Norah, but that doesn't quite capture everything I'm feeling right now. Click here to listen to Carlos Santana's rendition of a different song, a song for the hbomb. This is the song for the relieved and exuberant me, casting the fatigue and the deck chair into the sea. The moon is high and I raise my face to it as I passionately dance in the sand. My untethered hair flies about my face. Skirt and sand cling to the sweat on my thighs. I turn the earth with my being.
That's better. Thank you, Carlos.