Monday, May 16, 2011

I haven't felt this good since October 20th, 2010

An excerpt from The Lovesong of J. Alfred Prufrock, by T. S. Eliot, that describes how I felt for seven months during cancer treatment:
And the afternoon, the evening, sleeps so peacefully!        
Smoothed by long fingers,
Asleep … tired … or it malingers,
Stretched on the floor, here beside you and me.
Should I, after tea and cakes and ices,
Have the strength to force the moment to its crisis?        
But though I have wept and fasted, wept and prayed,
Though I have seen my head [grown slightly bald] brought in upon a platter,
I am no prophet—and here’s no great matter;
I have seen the moment of my greatness flicker,
And I have seen the eternal Footman hold my coat, and snicker,        
And in short, I was afraid
= = = = =

A quotation from the journal I wrote on our family vacation to Hawaii in 2005 that describes how I've felt for the past three days, "Oh my goodness I have been so excited that I haven't been able to sleep for days!...I [am] seriously as happy as I get."

= = = = =

This is the best way I could think of to describe for you how great it is to have energy and be coherent.  This is how great I'm feeling IN SPITE OF the pending recovering (chest wall, throat, left arm).  This is...glorious.

Sounds like I'm going to have to redefine my happiness scale with a new maximum.  Might I suggest, "frighteningly happy"?

9 comments:

  1. My most favorite line of Prufrock as long been, "I have seen the moment of my greatness flicker..."

    I'm so, so glad that you're starting to feel better.

    Flickering greatness - for sure.

    xoxo

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  2. Ah Prufrock. I've always sympathized with that guy. Talking and talking and talking and just having people (well, OK, ladies of the night, but they, they're people too) stare back and say "that is not what I meant, not what I meant at all." Scuttling through life like a crab on the bottom of the sea.

    However, you can be assured that when the mermaids sing, each to each, they are also singing to you. Keep feeling better.

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  3. Two thumbs up for this post!

    S.

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  4. As Billy Chrystal would say...you wook mahvalous! When I see your glow...before you even speak a word...I can tell...she's baaaaaaack! I'm so happy for the happy day's you, Ian, & the girls are now experiencing.

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  5. I am a cryer. To hear that you are feeling happy makes me so happy it brings tears to my eyes.XOXO

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  6. This calls for tea! and cakes! and ices! You are the strongest person I know.

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  7. It is odd from an outsider's perspective to read that you are finally feeling that you are coherent. On your worst days, you were still more lucid and smarter than most everyone I know. Although... you do seem to have very smart friends!

    Yay for feeling better. Yay for energy. Yay for dance parties. Yay for frighteningly happy.

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  8. I am sorry that you've had to endure so many lousy days that you remember the last good day. Down the road, when someone mentions this time of lousiness you'll have to stop and think and say, rriigghhhtttt . . . I'd sort of forgotten all that. And then you'll go right back to the magnificently wonderful science/wife/mom/friend/normal person thing you were doing. No more flickering for you!

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  9. Sure do LOVE the good vibes flowing on your blog these days. And I love reading the loving, supportive posts from your huge fan club. It's quite a smart and nurturing group you have surrounding you and family. Bravo to all!!!!

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